World Traveller

World Traveller

There was a knock on my front door the other day.  It was a good (and rather old and beat up) pal of mine.  He had stopped by for a chin wag and I was more than glad to invite him because he was carrying a twelve-pack of my, and his, favourite throat lubricant.  We had a great time reminiscing over past events, catching up on news of mutual acquaintances (also known in female circles as “skinner” or “gossip” but that is not what we guys do, we “catch up on news of mutual acquaintances” and any others that we care to mention).

Anyway, time passed pleasantly enough and once the erstwhile twelve-pack had been reduced to a shadow of its former self - namely, a zero-pack - he left, somewhat unsteady on his feet I must admit but I put that down to his advanced years rather than his throat lubricant intake.  His car, also an old beat up thing, took an interesting path along the road as he drove towards his home but again I put that behaviour down to the advanced age of the car combined with the advanced age of its driver.

But, before leaving he handed me a sheet of paper and said: “You mighjst wanna yewths thisin jaw Butterin Mutters.”  His rather incomprehensible speech could only have been as a result of his ill-fitting dentures, and for no other reason than that.  So I took the time to read it, had a good chuckle and decided that I would indeed want to use it in Bantering Matters.  I don’t know if my ancient pal had written it, in fact, I am sure he had not because he is pretty illiterate and incoherent at the best of times, but whoever put it together certainly had a lot of fun writing it.

So, here it is, hope you enjoy it as much as I did …

I have been in many places, but I have never been in Cahoots.  Apparently, you cannot go alone - you have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I have, however, been in Sane.  They do not have an airport; you have to be driven there.  I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family, pets and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but to do that you have to jump, and I am not too much into physical activity these days.

I have also been in Doubt.  That is a really sad place to go, and I try not visit there too often.

I have been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I am in Capable, and I tend to go there more often as I am getting older.

One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense!  It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I do not remember what country I was in.  It is an age thing maybe?

So, from one unstable (in Stable?) person to another … I hope everyone is happy in your head - we are all doing pretty well in mine!

A final word.  Remember always that life is too short for negative drama and petty things.  So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.


Ron Buyers
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