Round and Rolling

Round and Rolling

Kinda weird you know.  Upset bowling club writes to another bowling club moaning about a newspaper article.  Maybe the article was too close for comfort?  Maybe the truth hurt, who knows? Silly really.  Come on guys, you are big boys and girls I hope and have hopefully sorted out your ‘differences’ by now.

OK, so now I have stepped in, taking over where Geoff left off.  Just remember, please don’t be touchy when you read my articles, I write it as I see it.  I speak for myself, not for anyone else or for any club for that matter.

Do I play bowls or do I play golf?  Or both?  Who knows, because I do not.  Anyway, both games involve round things that don’t do what you want them to.  Those dimpled things we try to hit with a variety of instruments which for some strange reason are called “clubs” for example.  Then those others, those big smooth round things that are deliberately made to run crookedly that used to be called “woods” but are not called that anymore, except by old bowlers wearing brown shoes.  And a white ball that runs straight called a Jack but used to be called a Kitty.  The mind boggles.

Who said the electronic age was full of confusion to the senior generation?  The senior generation did a good job of confusing the heck out of the electronic generation, long before Wicketpaedia, Goggle, Face-ache-book, Twittle and JungleBook DortKom  (or is that   confused everyone in the world.

Back to round things that roll.  I can’t figure it out.  In golf you try to hit a ball into a hole.  Close to the hole doesn’t really count.  In bowls you gotta stay out of the ditch.  But you can also go into the ditch when the odds are with you.  And stay as close to the Jack/Kitty/whatever as you can.  Close is good.  Ditch is bad.  Sometimes.

And then there is football.  You win when you kick the ball into a net.  Just like fishing for trout, you win when you get a trout in the net.  So football is like fishing then? I continue to be confused.  And rugby is even more confusing.  Everyone cheers when the thing called a “ball” but isn’t round is kicked over the sideline.  And a “drie” (three) is worth five points.

Back to football, what the Americans call that game where the non-round ball (also called a ‘pigskin’) is hardly ever kicked, it is thrown more than it is kicked.  Why not call it “throwball” then?

Then you get two games where balls have to be put through a hoop, basketball and netball.  Does the hoop in netball have a net and the hoop in basketball have a basket?  Very deep questions these.  My well-trained Border Collie has a ball going through hoops at dog shows so is she playing basketball or netball?  I just do not know.

The cherry on the cake is cricket.  They play that game with a red ball (sometimes called a “cherry”) in the day, and a white one at night.  But not always a white ball at night.  White clothes in the day, coloured clothes at night, but also in the day if its 50 overs or 20 overs.  And you bowl the ball, but the game isn’t bowls.  You hit the cherry with a bat, not a club so it’s not like golf.  But you must try to hit the three sticks stuck in the ground so it’s not scoring a “drie”.  And you only get five points when the ball goes for a four after first hitting something on the ground.  Good grief!

How about curling?  Big round chunks of stone sent down an ice runway with people frantically using brooms to brush away loose ice in front of the chunk of stone.  Brooms and stones making a sporting code?  But it looks like shuffleboard, a game played on ocean liners and old age homes.  OK, old brooms like to sweep clean in those old age homes so is shuffleboard really curling without the ice?  And do the ‘shuffles’ and ‘curling stones’ (I don’t know what they are really called) roll or slide.  Does it even matter come to think of it.

Because it’s all too confusing.

Anyone for baseball?  (or is that softball – where the ball isn’t really all that soft)

Ron Buyers
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