More on the Flood

More on the Flood

Just recently this column printed my scholarly treatise on “The Great Flood”.  Well, not so scholarly actually, or a treatise even, but rather just some thoughts.  I am still having some thoughts about the flood, so here they are, for what they are worth.

           Noah was apparently some 600 years old (not 800 as I wrote in my earlier article) when he finished his ark.  He had started the build some 120 years earlier (at age 480) which tells me a few things about the man.  First, he must have been a pretty strong dude for his advanced years.  Secondly, he was a really slow ark builder.  Or maybe he couldn’t find the right help or something.  Thirdly, he was really single minded of purpose and was truly obedient to God’s command.  Good for you Noah!  You were the MAN, even if your ark building was somewhat slow …

           I then decided to refer back to the accounts of the flood, Noah and his subsequent actions to see if I could uncover any more gems.  And I found them …

           We all know that all the species of animals, birds, reptiles etc. entered the ark two by two.  Right?  No ways.  Sometimes there were seven of each!  True.

           And he had three sons and their wives on board the ark.  So, apparently the entire world was initially repopulated by only four women after the flood.  Presumably Noah’s septuagenarian wife also contributed to the fun and games?  My imagination finds it somewhat difficult to handle the whole issue …

           But that aside, the account tells us that once it stopped raining, the ark bobbed around on the waters for 150 days at a height of some 8,800 metres above sea level.  Some seven metres above the summit of Mount Everest in fact.  A whole five months gasping for air, every breath extremely painful and maybe even the last?  And what about some of those animals, surely the lack of oxygen would have sent some of them to their early graves?  Basically, when you come to think of it, Noah and his family could be responsible for the extinction of a number of animal species!  Naughty Noah!

           Ok, after a while, all the waters miraculously drained away.  I don’t know where to.  If into the Earth, what next?  I think that so much water would have been sufficient to extinguish the Earth’s fiery core, so why do we still have volcanoes erupting all over the place?  And as I said in my earlier article, if it had drained into the planet, surely it would have split open like freshly popped popcorn?  Or, if the water turned into steam, was our planet suddenly engulfed in a steam blanket?  How would ANYTHING (never mind an Olive tree) manage to grow in the first few months after the waters disappeared?

The ark, it is recorded, came to rest on the mountains of Ararat but Noah didn’t let anyone out of it right away.  No ways.  They had to wait another five months before that happened.  But, the animals still had to be fed and watered (who fetched the water for the animals if no-one was allowed out of the ark?) while waiting to leave the ark.  And remember that they had already spent six and a half months at sea before that!  The logistics are simply mind boggling!  Noah and his family had to feed and tend to two each (sometimes seven) of all the animals from the Earth’s surface for just on a year!  If you do the maths you will readily see for yourself that the ark was simply too small to carry enough food to feed them all for that long a period.

So, while waiting to leave the ark, Noah first of all sent out ravens to spy out the land.  Now, in my opinion, Noah was a smart cookie to do that.  Why?  You see, if the ravens had found somewhere to roost with a food source nearby, they wouldn’t have returned.  But they did.  So Noah persisted in sending out ravens but I reckon he was eventually up to his chin with the ravens’ negative results so he sent out a dove instead.  Now one account says the dove returned with an olive branch in its beak. Olive branch?  Are you kidding?  That bird must have been some sort of superhero, namely “SUPERDOVE”, to be able to carry a branch in its beak!  Also tells us how dumb doves are you know, I mean, why fly back to the ark when there was a lovely little tree just waiting for the dove to settle permanently on.  Anyway, another Biblical account says the dove brought back a leaf … sounds more likely than a branch, don’t you think?

I am also very impressed at how quickly a really slow growing plant like an Olive tree could grow after spending over six months under trillions of litres of water.  Nothing, I mean NOTHING, should grow, yet in a mere five months a tree has sprung up and is already producing branches and leaves? Possible, yes, but not terribly likely …

As I read through the account I learnt that Noah planted crops soon after leaving the ark.  Good on ya mate!  But, being Biblical, it seems grapevines took precedence, quickly followed by wine, and even more quickly followed by Noah getting himself as drunk as a skunk and lying around naked, really embarrassing his kids in the process.  A drunken Noah repopulating the Earth?  Hmmmm …

Nah, the whole flood, ark, Noah thing sounds pretty ridiculous to me.  Whether I believe it or not makes no difference as to whether I get ‘saved’ or not but let’s just say that I take these particular Biblical accounts with more than a pinch of salt.

I finish this article as I finished the last one I wrote on the flood.  I may be wrong, I may be right, but what difference does it make anyway?  God wiping the Earth clean of evil as was His stated intention in the account in the Bible actually proved to be totally unsuccessful in the long term (highly successful in the short term though!) because fairly soon thereafter evil once more raised its ugly head and has remained with us ever since.  

Ron Buyers
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